Tag Archives: sarcasm

Suggestions for Dealing with a Difficult Roommate

14 Mar

We all have had, or know someone who has had, THAT roommate. You know the one: they make Lindsay Lohan look sane, Cruella de Vil look considerate, and live like they are expecting Hoarders to show up any minute. They drive you crazy; constantly borrowing your clothes without asking or leaving dirty dishes in the sink or are always, somehow in the process of doing laundry in your very small living area, and (insert your personal pet peeve here) the list goes on.

When living with someone difficult, there is a thin line between peaceful cohabitation and trying to figure out where to hide the body of your aforementioned roommate. For some reason screaming incoherently about empty ice trays leads to a tense living situation. So the only way to avoid jail time is learning to cope.

Here are some suggestions of ways to (passive aggressively) deal and satiate your need for justice until you move the EFF out:

1. Leave Reminders

If face to face confrontation just ain’t your thang, resort to writing helpful reminders. You don’t want to come off like a psycho bitch, so when you’re head is exploding with CLEAN UP YOUR SHIT, resort to writing notes like: Could you please put your dishes away 🙂 and Please put your shoes in your room!! While on the surface these messages seem friendly, your roommate will read them with the bitchy, condescending undertone with which they were intended (excessive smiley faces and exclamation points really hammer home the sarcasm).

2. Eat meals together

And by together I mean you and your roommate’s food. Hey, your roommate said you can share her food or borrow something if you run out? Take her at her word. Say goodbye to that last Oreo and good luck making a sandwich with only one piece of bread, sucka.

3. Play Games

Nothing says roommate bonding like a good game, and Hide and Go Seek is a classic. Say your roommate constantly leaves her entire closest worth of shoes by the front door. Take one shoe from each pair and hide them somewhere in the apartment. Let the game begin! (Endless possibilities as the game can be replicated with almost any belonging)

If your roommate catches on to your tactics, or confronts you about your behavior, show her what it looks like when someone really loses it by referring her here: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2244233/Kayla-Ashlyn-Bonkowski-19-poisoned-roommates-iced-tea-bleach-argument-dirty-dishes.html. (She should get the point).

%d bloggers like this: