When Technology Bites You in the Ass

I love technology. I’m a total twenty-first century girl: I feel naked without my cell phone, I incessantly check Facebook, and I tweet every time I think of something remotely clever. But with love comes dependence, and with dependence comes a paralyzing inability to function without the technological advances to which we have become accustomed. And here lies the problem. What happens when technology turns on you? Cause it will, one way or another. Whether it’s the power going out or your key card door malfunctioning and locking you out while you are taking out the trash, leaving you inappropriately dressed in the freezing cold without your keys, phone, money or anything useful, all while your stove is on (not like that’s happened to me). So it got me thinking, as technology increases, what are we losing? Here are a few ways our dependence on technology is crippling us:

•  We’re helpless

Case in point: We no longer memorize phone numbers. So when we lose our phones or they run out of battery (and it isn’t exactly a 911 emergency) our inclination is to assume the fetal position and wait for it all to end.

• We’re beyond impatient.

If something doesn’t happen within a tenth of a nanosecond people get their panties all in a bunch. We have become so accustomed to instant gratification that anything less is unacceptable. Patience may be a virtue but now is wow!

•  We’re getting stupider

Sometimes I think that without Google we would have the collective knowledge of a goldfish. But I mean when Kim Kardashian’s ass is growing a mile a minute who has time to pick up a book and learn something?

•  We’re insatiable

“We want more, we want more, like we really like it, we want more.” Wiser words have never been said; someone get that girl a Nobel Prize (or at least a juice box or something).

I will admit I am as guilty as the next girl. So let’s try to remember that we have brains that worked just fine for thousands of years before Bill Gates and Steve Jobs. If not, when the computer’s fail and the lights go out, at least we’ll all go up in flames together.